May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
not ubering you a puppy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
