Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
