So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
