Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
