I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
