woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
