i think my tv is drunk
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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