plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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