Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
