I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
