you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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