Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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