I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
