The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
