he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
