I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
