I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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