My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
