respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
