if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
