Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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