thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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