Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
