Umm I'm too high to move.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake