So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
