My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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