i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
