i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He shit in the fireplace
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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