I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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