People in love make me want to vomit
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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