things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
