were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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