I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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