and i looked up. we had an audience...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
