Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
