how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
