i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
