return my video game
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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