when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
