What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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