hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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