doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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