Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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