my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
