if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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