I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
