that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My ATM looks so different sober.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
