You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
barbara walters just said penis...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
