I should be sponsored by Trojan
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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