i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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