he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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