and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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