we have officially lost it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
