There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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