Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
