There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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