ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
