I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
