just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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