nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
