I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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