Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
This gyro tastes like lonliness
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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