you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
