My sheets look like a crime scene.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize